I am just about finished the book, Child of Mine by Ellyn Satter, on more peacefully feeding my kid that I got yesterday (I am a quick reader). So far I've been able to pick up one key lesson: When the kid is eating, leave her the fuck alone. That's it. That's the key.
Things I need to stop doing:
Don't you want to eat this pasta? You LOVE pasta! Try a bite! Nom nom nom, see?
You don't want your waffle? Do you want a string cheese instead?
Just try one bite, you'll like it!
Don't mash that up! Eat it or don't but don't make a mess!
I read the book sections on toddler feeding and gave it some thought: Have I ever liked a food because someone made me try it as a kid? Nope. How would I react if someone else was more invested in my eating than me? Probably lose my appetite and want meal time to be over.
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| Mommy, it's been over a year now...you need a new hobby |
So here's the plan: Faith will get 3 meals a day and 2 snacks. I will provide food to meet her nutritional needs, but it is up to her whether she eats it and how much she eats. I'm not going to stick my nose in her business anymore, especially since she obviously knows how to eat what she needs.
Today was the first day of this new plan and this is probably a coincidence, but she had raw vegetables for the first time today...EVER. It was so hard to not react to that. Everyone told me that if she ate vegetable purees as a little baby that she would have a taste for it, but that's just a lie. Up until today she's only put it near her mouth and then put it back down, but now I wonder if it's because I was perched close to her being like "YES. YES, YOU WANT IT. EAT IT. EAT IT."
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| I am this dog for Faith |
I didn't even say anything as she mashed up bread at lunch and it turns out that she does eat it after she's done making a horrible, horrible mess. I'm hoping that I can get better at un-clenching a little so I don't feel so uptight about seeing her destroy food and then maybe eat it. I wonder if yoga moms are better at that than running moms?
Speaking of running, I ran 8.5 miles on the treadmill during nap time today because it was pouring rain all day so we didn't run in the morning. As a result, the dog was nuts all day. I literally threw the ball for her across the house for an hour today. Luckily Faith thinks that is hilarious and better than any TV show.
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| You have to admit, it's pretty funny looking |
So here's a practice scenario for you all:
You've gone grocery shopping, prepped the meal and cooked and then served it. You picked the meal with your kid's taste's in mind. As you serve it up, they make a face and eat some of the fruit on the side and then poke at what you cooked.
Don't you really want to say something and try to reason with them about how they like what you've made because they have had it before? Welcome to my challenge.
Another reason why I don't cook! Sounds like a nightmare...but kids are fun right?!?! ;)
ReplyDeleteSo much fun. You should totally have one. :)
DeleteDid Faith get a haircut??
ReplyDeleteYAY for a new plan hopefully working!! Its so funny how something so simple can make us feel like we're on top on the world and the universe's greatest parent.
You DO realize that the second she nails this, she'll DEMAND something you don't even have, only to leave you exasperated and crying in a corner, while she wails for an hour straight. Just speaking from experience. :)
Would you put Peanut in a raincoat? Or are you the fair weather runner? :P
That's a vintage Faith picture from this time last year, so no hair cut :)
DeleteI will run in the rain, but Peanut and Faith both hate it, so majority rules.
Sounds like my style of parenting. "lazy".
ReplyDeleteGood luck with your new plan! I bet it will work great!
ReplyDeleteI really need to be more laissez faire with the kiddos' eating. I'm like that dog too.
ReplyDeleteThis is my new approach too - but for Tim. It's a challenge for me, too.
ReplyDeleteI am super lasses faire with their eating and it works! We have a dog, she cleans some of the floor I clean the rest, and when they are done playing they eat! The good news is when you let them figure it out themselves, they learn new skills, at 15 months my son eats soup without a mess, amazing right? A new skill takes a long time to learn, and what's the worst that can happen? You will have to clean! Maybe it's the yoga mom in me, or maybe it's the twin mom, with twins mess is a part of life.
ReplyDeleteMy pedi once told me that it didn't matter meal to meal what they ate, you needed to look at the whole week. Toddlers suck and dinner is the worst. We serve a plate of food, sometimes they like it, sometimes not. My boys love veggies, so I'm lucky, but sometimes that's all they eat. We serve fruit and yogurt like dessert. But Faith is too young to negotiate with.....right now:). I avoided carbs for them when they were young (I need to share a photo, I'll tweet it), so they still don't eat most usual kid food (eg: Mac N cheese)
ReplyDeleteI need to think about doing the same thing. Most of the time they eat what I eat but sometimes I totally allow them to eat what they want to eat. And they snack all.day.long. it drives me nuts.
ReplyDeleteI am so glad that I have you to learn these things from!
ReplyDeletetry doing all that and then having your super skinny kid (seriously - 25 percentile for weight for his age) refuse to eat or try anything. It's really hard not to be a helicopter parent. Hang in there mama - it's sometimes so hard to letngs go!
ReplyDeleteI get frustrated when Molly the dog whines after she has peed, pooped, walked, played, and ate. If she started arguing with me over her kibble I don't know what I'd do. I love that picture of Peanut.
ReplyDeleteI was worried at one point that my kids would starve to death because they didn't eat much. I've learned that they make up for it at the next meal, day, week, whenever. They know what they want and I can't change their mind. My son is really good about wanting to try anything I eat (which usually means I get to eat less). But my daughter is more set in her ways. The less I push, the more she tries. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteI have a good friend contending with a very stubborn toddler. She just read a book that basically coached her and her husband on making "offers" to the kid instead of demands - where the offers are having the effect that the demands weren't. Seems to be working really well for them!
ReplyDeleteThe fact that you opened up by bragging negates the fact that you quoted yourself sounding like a rapist later on in the post. The post has convinced me that Eric needs to be in charge of our future children's any and all nutritional needs.
ReplyDeleteGreat job! That's working well for us too.
ReplyDeleteI think we both know what yoga is good for.
ReplyDeleteYes I'm with you on the supreme urge to sigh and have words about the fact that you just spent considerable thought, effort and intention into a healthy and yummy meal that gets picked at or rejected. Once you get comfortable with being more ok with her not eating much for supper (or whatever meal), you'll be better able to just let it go.
ReplyDeleteI feel doubly dooped on stressful days when this happens because I'm gone all day and we don't get home until 5:15ish so I have to haul ass to get a decent nutritious meal together (with a clingy toddler on the hip because he hasn't seen me all day) or spend time after he goes to bed to prepare a decent meal for the next day that I can have ready for us to eat by 5:30. So when I fret and stress about getting his meal on the table at a decent time for him and he doesn't eat it, it's like a quick shot to the ribs! I realized that I just have to let it go though - he's a toddler and it doesn't do any good at this age. Your approach will pay off eventually because he doesn't whine for more food after he's "all done" from the nibble.
I like to be left the fuck alone when I'm eating as well. My husband always picks that time to ask my ten zillion questions, to which I ask him to kindly refrain until I'm done stuffing my face. I know, I'm a delightful wife.
ReplyDeleteGood luck!
We constantly have toddler eating battles at my house. I'm the more laid back parent and tell my hubby to lay off the kiddos because they don't eat. He's convinced they are going to shrivel up and die. It's hard because you want them to be fed and happy but they are so damn stubborn. We do bribes sometimes because, let's face it, candy is delicious. "You want a treat after dinner? Then you have to eat x, y, z."
ReplyDeleteI try the free range thing periodically but I get so worried, I think I still hover to see what she'll eat. Once I just had to walk away and all her brocoli was gone by the time I got back. I was so excited, I almost danced a jig. But when I lifted her out of the high chair, I realized that instead of eating it, she had decided it would be hilarious to stuff brocoli down her pants.
ReplyDeleteI do this same thing!! I hate when I find food shoved in her clothing later, haha!
DeleteI'm doing all those things wrong at meal time too. I'm off to buy that book!
ReplyDeleteLove this approach...we kind of do this with peanut too. Our dr told us that we don't have to worry so much about her eating in the first year, and as a result we offer her a lot of food and when she starts throwing it on the floor (her way of saying she's finished), we put it away. Side note - how do I stop her from throwing it on the floor....
ReplyDeleteI just ordered this book thank to you! My little boy has become so picky and I know I'm doing tons of things wrong, so, thank you! Also, you are such an inspiration! You keep going and going and going and are so encouraging!!
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